#stop using worsted weight for thread-based projects

[sweaterkittensahoy]

If You're Gonna Update a Vintage Pattern, Put Your Whole Ass Into It

I was going through my scanned issues of Crochet Today (there's a bunch on the Internet Archive), and as I was looking through them, I remembered that the magazine used to take vintage patterns and update them to a more modern look. And sometimes you got stuff that evoked the original look but had the modern flair:

Like this vest. Which appears to have kept the same stitch pattern, scalloped edge, and length of the original while lowering the neckline and adding a bow. I like this. It's got that vintage feel while not being as boxy as the original.

But for every good update like this vest, you got three months of mid-at-best interpretations. Let us marvel at how wrong these all are as "updates" rather than just putting them in as regular fucking patterns:

I have a LOT of 1950s shrug patterns, and when I tell you the point was to fit them snug on the body, I know what I'm talking about. I can't quite tell, but I'm pretty sure that's not even the same motif, and I bet you the original was made in fingering weight or even thread, while this "reinterpretation" is Red Heart Soft, which is a heavy worsted. Add to the fact they couldn't even be arsed to add cuffs on the sleeves to give it some sort of shaping, and it's just a whole lot of nothing that does not evoke the sleek, 1950s vibe of the original. It also takes a flat-out awful picture. It looks like you cut holes in a worn out dish rag.

Moving on. We have this:

What even is the fucking point. You didn't even use a yarn that shows off the stripes made by the way the shells lay out. You made a version that has MORE coverage than a 1960s shell top. That's a fascinating choice. And the filet waistline and sleeves just don't fucking go. It looks like you had to make a hurried change to the top you're wearing to your weird family member's fundamentalist wedding. There's no vintage feel to this at all. And for god's sake, why would you make it in white. The 1960s was so colorful, and you went with popcorn ceiling white.

But now, we get to the one that really pissed me off:

You took a very classic 1930s top and made a fucking T-shirt. It's a fucking T-shirt. You couldn't even give enough fucks to make a real waistband of the bottom portion and give the top the same basic shape as the original. You just made a fucking T-shirt. A tiny bow and little buttons does NOT a 1930s top make. But also, while the 1930s loved some shoulder buttons, this top doesn't fucking have them! And you didn't even have the fucking stones to put bows on the sleeves! Why am I here. Why is this here. Why did you add stripes. Why are you using a sportweight yarn for a redesign of something made in (at heaviest) size 10 thread.

And why the fuck are you claiming it's from the 1940s:

When it is 100% from the 1930s. Likely the late 30s, but still the 1930s. You can tell by the hair, the flat shoulder (1940s shoulder went more structured due to the influence of military uniforms in fashion), and the way it's a fitted waist with a blousy top (1940s sweaters were fitted throughout) For fuck's sake, at least get the era right. There are plenty of 1940s blouses you could have ruined for this redo. But this is 1930s.

Here's a bunch of other 1930s tops I have to prove my point:

And here's one from 1938 that shows the beginning of the more structured look you'd expect from the 1940s:

Anyway, I'm making a mesh skirt from the 1930s but upping the hook size every time it tells me to increase on a row, and I promise you, however it ends up looking, it will still have more of the vintage flair than any of these shitty ones.

[chekhovs-tantrum]

Locked Tomb crochet skull pattern: First and Ninth houses

Let's start by addressing that while my knitting is on par with Gideon's swordwork, my crocheting is on par with Gideon's flirt game. These patterns might be a disaster. If you recognize that I fucked something up, please feel free to leave a comment translating my mistake so that future crocheters can get it right. I hope to make the whole series and put it up on Ravelry!

Mine turned out fairly large; maybe 3" wide. I used worsted weight yarn, a USA 4 crochet hook (E), and a tension that's as unpredictable and chaotic as the sexual tension of regrowing a bone arm. 

If you love this pattern and want to celebrate it via capitalism, you should give the money to the Trevor Project to support the LGBTQ folks (which are everywhere in our fave series) and mental health (which, in our fave series, is nowhere to be found).

That's it for now. DM me or post your pictures if you make this! I want to see!

FIRST HOUSE: One Skull Base, one Nose, two Standard Eyes

NINTH HOUSE: One Skull Base (see special instructions), one Nose, two Ninth House Sunnies

SKULL BASE: 

Start with magic loop, 

Round 1: Ch1, hdc 10 in circle; join to first with sl st (10 stitches)

Round 2: Ch1; *2hdc in next loop* around; join to first stitch with sl st (20 stitches)

Round 3: Ch1; *hdc, 2hdc in next loop* around, join to first stitch with sl st (30 stitches)

Round 4: Ch1; *hdc into next 2 st, 2hdc* around, join to first stitch with sl st (40 stitches)

Round 5: Ch1; *hdc into next 3 st, 2hdc* around, join to first stitch with sl st (50 stitches)

Round 6 (begin chin): ch3, dc, dc, hdc, sc, sc, hdc, dc, dc, tc, turn work. 

Round 7: ch1, hdc across. For the Ninth House only, stop here and bind off. For all other Houses, turn work. 

Round 8: ch1, hdc across, turn work. 

Round 9: in 2nd loop from needle, sl st, sc, hdc, dc, dc, hdc, sc, sl st, sl st, bind off. 

NOSE 

Slip knot, ch4

In 2rd loop from hook sl st; ch 2; sl st in same loop (go through both threads to close hole)

sc twice, bind off. It’ll look like a girthy little prick, so try not to confuse it for Naberius. 

STANDARD EYES 

Slip knot, ch4

in 2nd loop from hook, hdc; 

ch2, in 2nd loop from hook, hdc

in 2nd loop from start (on original chain!), dc

in 1st loop, hdc. 

NINTH HOUSE SUNNIES

Magic loop

Ch1; 10hdc into magic loop

Ch2, 2dc; 2hdc; 2sc into next 6 loops; 2hdc, 2dc, bind off.

[hey-cabinets-i-changed-my-icon]

1/2) Yeah, that seems pretty close to what I used for those blankets. I used Hobbii, https://hobbii.com/sultan-shadow, for those ✨fancy✨ yarns, but I'm sure they're under the tariffs since they're based in Denmark. I've also been recording how long projects take me now (so maybe I can stop taking on big projects as Christmas gifts in November), and my 2 big blanket projects took 130hours and 92 hours.

3) It'll be tricky making a blanket with that much detail with the lace weight yarn. I've done some embroidery and stitching of separate letters, and I think the best would be a worsted-weight yarn (Red Heart/Big Twist/etc) and single crochet.

I typically make blankets with a basic pattern but do dramatic things with colors, or mosaic patterns.

So the Twins bear mascot, I crocheted the letters separately then sewed them on. The Wild moose, I embroidered the logo with thread. Both were done on top of single crochet patterns

For what you'd like to make, I think there's a couple of options

A) Large granny squares, where you break down the poster into 3x4 squares. Then it'd be easier to manage all the different colors and shapes

B) Small granny squares, break it down by a set of pixels per small granny square. Could have more detail, but I've typically seen this style used for simple images (not my image)

C) Do the whole blanket in the background color and then cross stitch the images onto it. This is an example from a pattern book I have, and the blanket size the pattern says is 36"x40"

There’s no reason I couldn’t make a blanket out of crochet thread - the devil speaking through me.

[artemisdesari-blog]

It Costs That Much (And Took Me Fucking Hours)

So, a few moments ago I shared my picture of my crochet Thorin. I’m bad, I should have shared it here months ago when I finished him. I didn’t. More often than not I forget that I even HAVE a tumblr. Because life is short and I have a huge, huge, huge amount of stuff to get done. All the time. Kids, house renovations, just standard housework, my maths and physics degree that I decided to start right as a global pandemic kicked off (not my smartest decision but no going back now). All that to say, when I do get a little bit of down time, I like to crochet, knit and sew. Sometimes all in the same project. 

Which is where the Crochet Company of Thorin Oakenshield comes in.

It is also where my biggest pet peeve of the craft world comes in. You see, these little buggers cost money to make. And probably quite a lot more than you would think. For the sake of argument, you see this picture, you have the skills required to make him, you simply need to get in all the materials that I did in order to do so. Now assume that you have NONE of those things in the house (unusual for us craft addicted types but humour me). Here is a list of the things you would have to buy: safety eyes, 5 different colours of DK (3 weight/light worsted to you non-British folks) in flesh tone (of choice), hair colour, fur collar colour, tunic colour, mail shirt (yes, I crocheted the mail shirt rather than taking up making my own chain mail, it adds to the squishy). You also need one ball of black aran (4 weight/worsted again for you non-British peeps, and doesn’t that just show my age???) for the coat and boots. Poly fill, to give him shape, because what’s the point of making a stuffy if you don’t, you know, stuff it? Plus you need black cotton fabric for the trousers, oh, but you can only get that by the metre where ever you are, and look, you need blue velvet too, and that’s ok because you only need half a metre of that, but it’s still going to be more expensive than the damn cotton (and don’t forget your sewing thread).

I would like to point out that due to that bloody velvet, Thorin is the most expensive doll of the 5 I’ve made so far.

But wait! There’s one more thing you need. See, I free handed the details of his clothes, because I am an over achiever who refuses to be stopped just because there isn’t a set pattern. But I did NOT free hand the body. Instead of making that up as I went and causing myself unnecessary stress, I purchased the AFP body from Cottonflake on etsy (no longer in their store but that might change if you message them and ask, I don’t know, I just know I make precisely 0 pennies from this). So factor that pattern into your list of things to buy too because it’s still part of your initial outlay I’m afraid.

Thus, your total outlay (based on the costs I’ve calculated based on my usual retailers, receipts I dug out of my emails for various bits and so on) is....

Hold on to your hats folks

£45.72.

That’s right. Just to make Thorin, with the assumption that you don’t have a random couple of balls of DK in the right colours lurking around in your house, is forty-five pounds and seventy-two pennies. In American money that’s something like $61.73 (according to google).

None of that factors in time, which because each doll is freehand as far as features and clothes are concerned is somewhere upwards of 40 hours. See, crafting isn’t cheap. Now, I know what you’re going to say; “But, Artemis, you can use some of those things more than once. You’ve got enough fabric there to put trousers on the whole Company, and five more pairs of safety eyes, and loads of different lengths of yarn left, and quarter of a bag of poly fill!” Yes, yes I do. But let me tell you a thing. If I were to sell these majestic buggers, the recommendation is that I charge three times my cost of materials. So that’s £137.16! PER DOLL. Now, if someone asked me to make the whole Company, maybe I would only charge for the cotton once, and charge twice for the velvet because the current Bilbo plan is to use burgundy velvet for his coat. Two pattern charges, because Bilbo’s body pattern is different and only charge for three packs of safety eyes but would only be able to lop the cost of one, at absolute most two, packs of poly fill off because of the small amounts left at the end of a doll. But that would be if someone ordered the full set of fourteen (not getting into Gandalf right now, and certainly not getting into the additional UK testing requirements law that likes to rear its head at times like this). For that full set of fourteen dolls I could charge £1609.19. You read that right. just over 1.6k. Which would make it £114.94 per doll, and cost the person making each one £38.31 for materials alone. That’s a BIG difference. It doesn’t seem like it, but that £20 difference between the individual doll for sale prices might mean the difference between eating for the next two days, or keeping the lights on. That extra £7 for materials might just not be possible because there’s no mark up to absorb it. Based off 40 hours of work the maker charging £137.16 (with materials at £45.72) is paying themselves just £2.29 PER HOUR.  If they charge the lower price of £114.94 less the materials cost of £38.31 is paying themselves a grand total of £1.92 an hour.

We’re talking a minimum of 560 hours of work. 40 hours is a work week. So one doll a week for fourteen weeks... Accounting for materials that’s £1072.85 to cover more than three months of work! £76.63 per week. Which is about what it costs to feed my family each week if you want to get into it. No bills, no other necessities. Just food.  

When you break it down like that, why are people so reluctant to pay crafting people for their time. I make you a thing, making that thing costs materials, it costs time, it requires me to be in my house with the heat on (and likely the lights). Possibly with a computer on if I haven’t printed the pattern.That £1.92 an hour doesn’t go very far at that point. And you know, if you’re asking me to make you this item, it means that I have a skill you don’t, or maybe just time that you don’t. Why is my skill not valued by you? I didn’t wake up one morning, pick up a hook and magically know how use it. It took me MONTHS to progress past a granny square and a ball. This doll represents years of practice, and not just practising crochet I might add. Why is my time less valuable than yours? You have the skills but not the time. Why is that? What makes your time more valuable than mine? What amazing, worthwhile, thing are you doing in your downtime that I’m not? Inquiring minds desire to know why your downtime is more valuable than mine.

“But, Artemis!” you cry again. “You enjoy making this stuff, I don’t need to pay you to do something you enjoy.”

Well, yes you do actually. Because I have other things I want to do, or need to do. I have other projects to make and work on. If you want me to give yours the time of day, you need to convince me that it’s worth giving up my free time to make you something that you want rather than something I want to do, because nothing saps the enjoyment out of making something like knowing that someone else is expecting you to do it for nothing at all.

Now, obviously there are times when 3 times the cost of materials is just a bit too cheeky. There is some seller discretion here. We know when to draw the line. I’m not going to charge £30 for a bookmark that cost me an hour and a fraction of a ball of wool to make (and I sure as shit wouldn’t use a £10 ball of wool to do it anyway). In that case I would charge half the cost of the yarn, plus local minimum wage. The yarn cost is covered, I get something for my time and I can probably absorb that amount of yarn into another project without too much difficulty, but if you’re going to pay £450 for some crochet granny square coatigan that’s popped up in whatever designer catalogue that just dropped through your door or dropped into your email, you can pay me the same courtesy. Because crochet cannot be done by machines. Every time you pick up a crochet hat, it’s been handmade by someone somewhere in the world, and likely for pennies in a sweat shop. That £450 coatigan is probably still under priced for the number of stitches in it and the hours taken to make it. That cute crochet vest for under £20 in whatever fast fashion store you like to go to, probably would barely cover the cost of materials for an independent crafter, so the poor soul who made it is absolutely being exploited.

So, whenever someone tell you that materials alone are going to cost x amount, don’t argue about whether they have odds and ends at home. Because even if they do, you aren’t that special. You don’t get to pay the discounted rate just because Karen’s order absorbed the cost of 50% of the materials needed. You pay the same amount because crafters have the same expensive basic needs that you do. We need to eat, we need a roof over our heads and clothes on our backs. And for that we need money.

And check out the song on YouTube I stole this title from (It Costs That Much) because it is absolutely true.

[fullofbeautifulmistakes03]

Okay let me put some points out there. As you guys know English is not my first language so sorry any mistake.

I'm going to start by talking about how Jodie Comer was TT last night because she's supposed to be dating a Trump supporter.

I'm not afraid of losing "followers" so I'm going to say what I really think: Jodie Comer is first of all, a human being, an excellent and talented actress, with many capacities and nuances that I had not seen in this generation for a long time, not only for her amazing performance of Villanelle but for everything she has done throughout her career, so unless you have seen each and every one of her projects and have not a shred of taste for good talent, interpretation and delivery, don't come here to judge this woman's talent based on her personal decisions.

JodieComerOverParty honestly, what the fuck is that? That weak, senseless and hateful "cancel culture" under which nothing but haters and repressed people who do nothing but put their hatred and issues in the lives of others, has to get out of your heads. Can you think that you have to be really screwed up inside to sit down and do that creepy quest for someone's intimate life just to satisfy your own hatred, resentment and problems? And worst of all, this generation is being so powerful but so weak at the same time, so easy to influence; they literally see any TT and they just decide to join, for what? to look cool? Bc is it what you supposed to do if you have more than 3K followers? Or is it because you really want to speak and give an opinion that is not influenced by what people say but by what you really think? Because honestly I see nothing like that. Some Twitter, Ig and Tumblr stans are not only sheep that follow a shepherd without any purpose, but they defend something without any other purpose than to hate and keep their followers.

Do I have to give my opinion about Jodie dating a Trump supporter? No. Am I giving it? Yes. Because it's my fucking problem but I also understand that it's not my fucking problem what kind of dick is she sucking. Who she's dating doesn't give me any right to get into her private life, her family, and look for shit just because you reflect your fucking hatred on her.

Like, do you feel hurt because you think she has been a hypocrite for saying that she is an ally of the LGBTQ + community, supported BLM and read the letter to Virginia? But also dating a trump supporter?

Well, you have every right, you feel cheated and betrayed, I understand it, being a trump supporter represents everything that goes against our community and minorities and you are also assuming that by dating him and knowing his ideals and beliefs she accepts and adopts them which is not necessarily true but i understand. So, yes, I understand that you do not see congruence between her actions and the people with whom she has around her, especially her supposed boyfriend, I understand that she has a social responsibility when interpreting a character so dear to different communities, I understand that the fact that Jodie having a boyfriend who is Trump supporter can mean different and valid things for many of us, I understand that you feel somehow hurt, I can understand all that and I'm nobody to tell you that you should not feel it or that you're wrong or you're okay.

But what is definitely not right and I cannot understand is believing that you have the right to decide what is right and what is wrong in someone else's life. What is not right is that you feel you have the right to believe yourself with so much moral superiority as to point out to a person that point 1. You don't know and that point 2. You don't know. What is not right is that you support hate and suicide messages towards a person who point 3. You don't know. And that even if you knew and everything will prove true, you also have no right.

You have the right to give your opinion and your opinion has the right to be respected but your opinion does not have to be the opinion of your followers or your friends or your family, so the next time you decide to do a thread and a crap search think about what would happen if someone decides to do the same to you. I mean, they didn't find anything about Jodie so they went to get shit from the people around her. SICK.

Do I support the fact that she is dating a Trump supporter? No. It does that matter? Let's be honest, no, it doesn't matter, because at the end of the day I don't have to reflect or set my own expectations in someone else's life, especially in the life of someone I don't know. Do I support trump? No man, I hate the guy. But that doesn't give me the right to send hate and suicide messages to Jodie just because her boyfriend is trash. I love Jodie, but I do not idealize her, I know that she is a human being, I know and I hope that she knows of her privileges, I am aware of that, I know that she is an extraordinary actress, I know that I want to see her in many many more projects, I know that she deserves all the awards in the world, but I know that at the end of the day, Jodie is not only a talented actress but there are many things that neither you nor I know and that is why you cannot idealize your fav, that's all I know about Jodie.

You can't impose your expectations and create a weight of that size in them because simply at the end of the day when they make the first mistake, you, the one who loved her from the beginning for idealizing her and believing that she was perfect, are the first person to cancel her. So, if you are going to support someone because of their talent, do it, if you are going to follow their career, do it, if you are going to create an account in honor of that person, do it, but do it knowing that you are not following some perfect God or person, do it with the knowledge that your dreams are not their dreams, that your ideals are not that person's, that your expectations are not and do not have to be that person's but above all do it because despite the fact that at some point your fav disappoint you or make a mistake, you will be there to continue supporting them regardless of the man or woman they decided to be with. That is what a true fan does. Supporting the person's talent and work, a fan has the right to judge a misinterpretation, to say you don't like it, to say anything about any movie or tv show, but being that fan doesn't give you the right to invade someone's life in such a way that, that person feels shit to the point of committing suicide as it happened earlier this year or as it happened with Taylor Swift some years ago that she had to hide for more than a year for all the shit that those who called themselves fans threw her.

I would also like to say that Sandra Oh, she is an excellent actress, her talent is simply incredible and she deserves all the awards in the world, all the recognition in the world, and throughout Killing Eve, I have only been able to see how some insist on putting Sandra and Jodie against each other, despite seeing that they have a genuine and beautiful working relationship, I have been able to see how the "fans" of Jodie judge Sandra and those of Sandra Judge and blame Jodie for many things, my big question is, Why? The injustice that the television industry commits against minorities today is not Jodie's fault, in this case. It is not Jodie's fault that the writers of Killing Eve are white, it is not Jodie's fault that according to you Jodie has more screen time than Sandra, it is not Jodie's fault that some of you have so much hatred in your soul that they reflect it not only damaging a beautiful production but also to your fav.

Sandra is a powerful woman, not afraid to speak, she literally co-produced the series to precisely have a voice, Sandra is a woman in every sense of the word, which means she is strong, free, powerful and she can speak for herself, one thing I'm sure of is that Sandra Oh, she deserves everything good in this world except those toxic "fans" who believe that a woman like Sandra needs to be defended or to speak for her.

Sandra Oh, she knows what she deserves and how well she has said it, she is at the stage of her career where she can decide which project to take or not, basically she can do whatever the hell she wants. Sandra Oh, she does not need a handful of children to believe that they have the right to decide or say "this is what Sandra wants, this is what Sandra needs" Sandra Oh, she does not need you to defend her from anything because she has a voice that knows how to use and does not necessarily have to be as you all expect. So the next time you feel like you have the right to say "this is what Sandra wants or needs" take a second to review your frustrations, to review your expectations and stop putting them on the shoulders of your idols.

Finally, know that Villanelle is not real, she is a character played by this extraordinary actress named Jodie Comer. Know that Jodie Comer is not Villanelle and know that Jodie Comer has every right to be straight and play queer characters, she has the right not to be what you in her fantasy world expect her to be. I say this because I have seen how the anger of some is not even that she is dating a Trump Supporter but that she is dating a man and not a woman. Like, put your shit together.

I love Jodie, I support her career, her talent I hope to see her in many other productions.

I support Jodie, I support her because I judge her by her talent and not by her clothes, makeup, hair or boyfriend.

I support Jodie because I doubt that her commitment to her work, so far, is fake. I support her not because is my idol, because I do not idealize her, I support her because I admire her talent and I enjoy her work. I have nothing to say about her private life, each one makes her own karma, it is Jodie's problem if she goes out with a Trump or Bolsonaro supporter, Jodie's problem is the footprint she leaves on the road, it's Jodie's problem if she date a man or a woman, it's Jodie's problem if she lives in Boston or London, it's Jodie's problem her fucking ass. It is her problem, not my problem. Jodie owes me nothing, absolutely nothing. And I'm not so influential as to let this change my opinion about an actress who so far has given me nothing but her talent, I am not so influential as to take advantage of this situation and throw the repressed hatred at someone for some personal issues.

To those who take advantage of the situation to say what they really think of Jodie, go ahead, do it, have the ovaries to hold what you say but then go. To the weak stan who immediately changed their photo or their bio, look in the mirror, you are a fake, have the ovaries to hold what you said and go as well please.

The day I see that Jodie Comer is really a fake, that day I take her out of my life myself, but not based on the twisted mind of some sick person who decided that it is time to hate or cancel the amazing Jodie Comer.

[bigskydreaming]

Saying that a fictional depiction of a rape is the same as promoting rape is like saying that writing a story about a character being gaybashed is promoting gaybashing. If you have the right to write a story based on your experiences, why don't I? Also, where's the line between depiction and romanticisation? There is none. At all. -- queer survivor who will not let you or anyone silence me.

Literally not something I’ve ever said, so congrats on the reading comprehension and thanks for being the 8,647th person to hop in my inbox or on one of my posts about this subject and attempt to make it about everything EXCEPT for things I actually have said and believe.

And for the record, there is a very clear line between depiction and romanticisation, are you kidding me??? Do you even get how communication works?

A work of fiction that essentially says “here are events that happened,” is a depiction.

A work of fiction that essentially says “here are events that happened, and the way in which they happened is intended to be received as sexy or romantic, as is further evidenced by reader reception in the form of comments about how sexy or romantic that depiction of events that happened was,”

....THAT is romanticization.

I am so, so, soooooooooo endlessly tired of being engaged by people who insist on being willfully dishonest and hypocritical about how much power they perceive fiction as having.

Every other day of the week, fanfic is empowering because it gives literally any of us a platform with which to reach other fans and express our own ideas, storylines and emotions regarding characters we all share an interest in.

But the second THIS conversation comes up, in ANY of its myriad forms, suddenly you’re all like, “ummmmm.....I am just a helpless little author who has never shaped anything I’ve ever written with any kind of specific intent or goal towards how I want the audience to receive or perceive my story?? I wouldn’t even know how to go about doing that? Is that even a thing?”

You all know damn well the difference between a story that depicts rape, pedophilia and incest, and a story that romanticizes/sensationalizes/uses those things as the specific elements that are supposed to result in that story being sexually gratifying to readers who engage with it.

Like, lmfao, I’m not the prude anyone makes me out to be, any more than I’m this evil censor about to go into all your houses and strip you of your ability to write whatever you want. Shockingly, guess what? I’ve written erotica myself! Not about those topics, clearly, but I’ve literally written and sold stories that I wrote with the specific intention of being perceived as erotic, sexy, romantic, etc.....

BECAUSE I, LIKE MOST OTHER WRITERS, KNOWS HOW TO GEAR A STORY IN VARIOUS DIRECTIONS WITHOUT HAVING TO ACTUALLY INCLUDE THE HEADERS “THIS PART IS JUST A DEPICTION” AND “OKAY NOW THIS PART YOU SHOULD THINK IS SEXY.”

LOLOL I’m so fucking tired. Literally the only message I have ever expressed on this subject in all the years I’ve been posting about it, on my own damn blog, in my own damn threads, with people like you always being the one to come and engage ME and still somehow operate under the impression that YOU’RE the ones being silenced here, like I’m the one going around to shut down everything YOU’RE saying every time you even open your mouth on a specific subject.....

Like, did I make that clear enough? Was the irony pointed enough there? Is it maybe sinking in a little, the utter ABSURDITY of people like you streaming into my inbox night after night, week after week, to yell “STOP SILENCING ME, I WILL NOT BE OPPRESSED OR CENSORED BY YOU”.....

When I literally have no idea who most of you are, thus couldn’t silence you even if I WANTED to, which again, is not something I’ve ever even expressed, given that my message on this subject over. And over. And over. And over. AND ALWAYS AND CONSISTENTLY IS:

I am not for censorship. Not only do I hate censorship, I don’t view it as even slightly effective, and at most its like trying to slap a bandaid on top of a wound without any attempt to even examine the injury itself and see how it came to be and what it really needs to be effectively treated.

My viewpoints on this subject have always been about one thing and one thing only: personal accountability.

As in, I advocate for people to just fucking apply a little more awareness to their OWN power, their OWN impact, their OWN platform....even if that platform is only fanfiction on the internet, yes.

Power and impact and influence are all still there, even among fanfic writers, as anyone who’s ever posted or reblogged about the legitimacy of fanfiction as a form of fiction, like, already damn well knows, so its so exasperating seeing that fly right out the window the second anyone asks a fanfic writer to scrutinize their own work to even just make sure THEY THEMSELVES are okay with ALL the potential impacts of whatever it is they’re writing.

Fiction is just language. Language is just a tool for communicating ideas, intents, emotions, experiences and more.

And like literally any other tool in the history of humanity, for this is literally the nature of tools and how they work....

A tool has no inherent ‘goodness’ that makes it IMPOSSIBLE to be wielded in a way that produces harm. It simply exists. And its capacity to help or to harm, to be used in positive ways or negative ways.....depends SOLELY on its wielder and how they apply that tool and to what ends.

Fiction, whether the kind on bookshelves in stores or the kind found only on Ao3....has tremendous power. It communicates new ideas to people who’ve never considered a certain point of view before. It conveys new experiences to people who would never encounter something depicted firsthand in their own day to day lives. It conveys emotions, imbued into the narrative by the author themselves, even if those emotions are not necessarily always what the author thinks they are or intended them to be or not always ones readers truly read into the text versus simply project onto the text themselves. 

But there are an infinite variety of ways in which fiction has power, has impact, can and does reach people. It connects people, linking them via shared experiences or viewpoints or ideas so that a reader seeing themselves represented in what an author is writing can at least say they’re not alone, there’s someone else out there who says or thinks or experiences things similar to them. It can persuade people, exposing them to new viewpoints they’ve never considered before and convincing them of their validity by the arguments written into the text, even if they were never intended that way or the author might not even consciously be aware of making an argument in the text. It can fortify people, reassuring them that a perspective they have on a subject does have validity because here in this story, there’s someone thinking the same things for the same reasons. It can help people heal or even just hold on long enough to heal, by seeing their own tragedies reflected in a fictional mirror that still manages to impart that healing and recovery after something tragic are possible, that there is potentially more good still to come, in a reader’s life just as in a character’s story.

All I have ever expressed, over and over and over, is that its important to always keep sight of the fact that because fiction is just a tool, and not any more infallible than any writer using it to convey their thoughts and ideas and emotions.....

Fiction DOES still have just as much power to harm, too, if wielded irresponsibly. Everything I just detailed above has a flip side. Its a two way street, it can go both ways. Fiction can just as easily connect bigoted people, white supremacists, homophobes, transphobes, etc.....via shared experiences or viewpoints that reflect and empower the perspectives of bigots, etc. It can persuade people to do or think things that aren’t healthy, by exposing them to toxic viewpoints and convincing them of their validity due to a reader being vulnerable to various arguments that are made in bad faith. And no, this does not mean that I’m saying people run out and do what they see depicted or even romanticized in fiction. I’m simply saying fiction holds every capacity to convince people of the validity of something harmful as much as something healing.....it all just depends on how important that particular thing or argument is to their specific lives, how vulnerable or exposed they are to particular arguments, how much weight they give it, etc, etc. There are a ton of factors here. All I’m saying is this IS a factor, its included among those many, many other things. 

Moving on....it can fortify the worst kind of people, reassure them that their prejudices or toxic viewpoint on a subject has validity because a story is seemingly endorsing it without any sign within the narrative that the characters’ perspective on this matter IS flawed, or toxic or unhealthy or prejudiced, rather than just a straight forward and unbiased depiction. And yes, it can hinder personal healing or recovering, by keeping a reader mired in the same kind of thoughts or emotions they’re already currently battling and reinforcing their personal perception that there is no alternative to those things, etc, etc.

None of these are in any way a given, with any given story, any given writer, any given reader. There are tons of variables, as I said.

But also as I’ve said....my only point has always just been that these things EXIST, the potential for these things to happen in this or that way EXISTS, and it is willfully dishonest of fanfic writers and readers to insist on the power of fanfiction to help, to heal, to connect people......while simultaneously trying to absolve themselves of even the need to be CAREFUL with how they wield the power of fiction, because apparently, with fanfiction, its ONLY ever a one way street. Fanfiction NEVER has the power to harm, to reinforce negative or prejudiced perspectives, impart and convince readers of toxic viewpoints and arguments.

How can you pretend that’s not how this works? That saying la la la, I’m JUST a fanfic writer, I only have a couple hundred readers maybe, so by virtue of that, somehow, only good things can result from my writing, there’s noooooooo possible negative impact to any of my work or various ideas I put forth....

Like, that isn’t a thing! LOLOL. That’s not a disclaimer with any power or truth. All it is, is a fandom-spread and perpetuated lie meant to reassure people that here in this space, there is a kind of power that unlike ALL OTHER FORMS OF POWER IN EXISTENCE.....can only ever be a good thing, a positive thing...and thus there is no need for any one in a fandom space, whether writer or reader, to ever have to be on their guard or careful about what they say or believe the way they have to be ‘in the outside world.’ Here, in fandom, you can finally just RELAX, you can just enjoy yourself and have fun and not have to worry about whether you’re doing or saying the wrong thing because none of those things are even a POSSIBILITY here, and anyone who says otherwise is just trying to tarnish our perfect paradise, let the ugliness of the outside world into it via unnecessary and unasked for criticism and scrutiny that isn’t fair to apply here because its not like any of us have any real power, we’re just fans, writing stuff on the internet.

And people are just...DETERMINED not to accept that, or to even LOOK at it as the actual subject being discussed in a lot of these conversations. So you spin everything I and others like me say, turn them into arguments we’ve never actually espoused, warn against the perils of censorship we’ve never actually asked or advocated for, stand tall against the attempts to silence you...THAT HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY EXISTED.

Like....the message that bothers me, the communication that I personally am disturbed by seeing practically everywhere I look in fandom? Yes....its the message conveyed by the mere existence, the sheer volume of fics that depict traumas exactly like mine....but in ways that sexualize them, make them seem more about erotic fantasy rather than the abuses of power that they are in real life. I hate these kinds of stories, and just how damn MUCH of them there are, its true. I’m not denying it, I’ve never denied it. To me, them and all the hundreds and thousands of kudos and comments they receive - even without reading the fics directly, just via a mere AWARENESS that these conversations are taking place, no matter how hard I try to pretend otherwise - to me, the message being conveyed over and over by them is that in the right light, from the right angle, things that happened to me at various points in my life are HOT, are SEXY.....

Like as an example, since apparently it seems I’ve been using my ‘gaybashed’ card too freely and unfairly shutting down conversations like this (lol again, let’s not forget, conversations that I begin, on my own blog, and that not a damn one of you is forced to interact with no matter how hard to play the STOP SILENCING angle when voluntarily approaching ME and trying to shame or guilt ME into not talking so much about this topic, aka SILENCING MEEEEEEEEEE)...

Anyway, all that aside, for this example let me pull from something I don’t talk about as much: the years when I was an escort in my late teens and early twenties, literally getting into bed with much older and extremely predatory men because I needed the money....AND because I was using this in part as a ‘coping mechanism’ to convince myself that sex had no power to hurt me. That thus by doing this I was retroactively taking away my rapes’ ability to harm me in the first place, and thus, I had never really been harmed and was FINE..... Except I was very much NOT okay, I absolutely ended up revictimized and further traumatizing myself because a lot of the people I interacted with at that period of my life were NOT good people and DIDN’T have a care for my best interests or even safety, even while saying and doing all the right things, the sexy things, even the romantic things...

I mean, I’m just saying....I could absolutely, without a doubt, write some of my own life experiences, things that were traumatizing to me and have left lingering scars....I could take some of those and write them in such a way as to have a sexualized or romanticized slant, publish them on Ao3 with names swapped out for some fictional characters and call it an AU.......and I for sure would get comments and kudos about how hot all of that was.

Now, I have no interest in doing that, obviously....but the thing is, I don’t HAVE to. Because those stories already EXIST, even if they don’t exactly match up to my specific experiences and they’re written by people who literally have no idea I even exist, let alone have lived through scenes eerily similar to what they write.

And just like those stories exist....the comments, and the kudos, and the praise and the glorification of these stories, the events depicted within them, the DYNAMICS depicted within them....these already exist as well. And I’m painfully, PAINFULLY aware of that. Every day. Every fandom I’m in. Every fandom I’ve ever been in.

And it SUCKS. I hate knowing that two posts down from some story I’m reading, there’s a story that has people drooling over the exact kind of predator that fucked with me and my head so much back in those years. I hate stumbling into an untagged AU every once in awhile and finding Bruce being depicted as Dick’s sugar daddy, preying on the MUCH younger man that we all normally associate with being his SON.....and knowing from past experience that if I click on the comments, almost without a doubt, judging by the 22 comments on one chapter alone, I’ll find enough swooning over how HOT and ROMANTIC this is, that it will most likely make me violently ill for the rest of the night. Because I so INTIMATELY know that there is NOTHING safe or healthy or not fucking traumatizing about that kind of dynamic with a person who is SUPPOSED to be safe and trustworthy to be around.......and I’m reminded all over again, just like I have been at SO MANY points in my life....how many people just don’t want to HEAR this, because they prefer their fantasy over the reality I know firsthand....BUT NONE OF THAT MAKES MY REALITY ANY LESS REAL OR LIVED THROUGH.

The thing so many of you don’t get is....none of this is even about whether I read these stories or not, none of it is about whether all of them get tagged properly or not....hell, none of it is actually about whether the people writing these fics are actually pedophiles or ‘endorsing’ these things or anything like that....I NEVER ARGUE ANY OF THAT, BECAUSE NONE OF IT IS THE POINT.

The point is just....the sheer bombardment of a singular message across so many fandoms, so many pairings, from so many people....

With that message being, to a very wide audience....with the right character in the right scenario....the things that for various people like myself and other survivors who DON’T like being surrounded by all this either, whether or not there are many survivors who for whatever reason DO find themselves okay with it... 

(And considering our existence and arguments don’t invalidate your acceptance of these things, why do you so confidently tout the idea that YOUR existence and arguments should somehow innately just make all of this less objectionable to us? Just curious.)

The point is, no matter who is writing these stories or why, whether they ACTUALLY endorse these things or would never in a million years find them acceptable in real life (and again, why are you so confident that this is true for EVERYONE who writes these things, and by extension, why the FUCK do you presume its okay to expect all survivors to just give EVERYONE the benefit of the doubt as to why they’re writing these stories, when some of them are virtually indistinguishable from the kinds of things someone who DID find these things hot and sexy to enact on others in real life, would write themselves)....

Like.....none of that matters. Because none of that in any way affects the reality so many of us experience in fandom spaces:

That over and over we’re reminded that what was devastatingly traumatic for us, and impacts every day of our lives ever since.....to a wide audience of others, is just a hot, sexy fantasy and they’re all crying out MORE, MORE, GIVE US MORE.

And you all just sit back there and just us for saying....”it really bothers us to be surrounded by this message everywhere we turn.”

You shame US for saying this makes our fandom environment toxic and hostile at times.....and you flip the script and ask how dare WE shame survivors, who are probably just using these fics to cope....and literally ALL the people reading and writing these fics are survivors probably, I mean, you don’t know....and of course it’d be wildly inappropriate to ask so its probably best to just assume everyone writing these things are survivors....and thus we, no matter if we are survivors ourselves, have no business SHAMING or SILENCING them for just working through their shit in ways that its not even like it can actually hurt us anyway.

Except it DOES. It IS. And we say that, and you REFUSE TO HEAR US. You say “well this isn’t true for me, so it can’t be true for you or else just doesn’t matter if it is,” even though at no point have I or others I know ever said “because this is true for me, I am assuming it to be true for all survivors.”

You come into MY inbox, and act like you’re standing tall and proud against MY silencing tactics. Yeah, would I love it if I could go even a single day without having to gingerly avoid these stories and all mention of them, all casual references to them, all glowing praise of them, everywhere I look in fandom? Absofuckinglutely. Does me WANTING this thing - this thing we all know is never in actual danger of happening, lol - does this in ANY way ACTIONABLY translate into me censoring anyone, impeding anyone’s ability to write or post or read these things, is it me going in the comments of any of these fics and yelling HOW DARE YOU WRITE THIS and when that doesn’t get me the response I want, going to the blogs of the writers and yelling I WILL NOT BE SILENCED?

No. No. And fuck no. None of these things are happening, none of these things are reality.

And yet here you are, like SOOOOOOO MANY before you and like SOOOOOO MANY who will inevitably follow you in the future....

And your condescension and disdain for me and everything I think and everything I’ve lived through and my willingness or even just the way I choose to talk about it, just JUMPS off the page.

But the thing that will never not just absolutely fucking SLAY me, is the sheer absurdity of the accusations you and so many others level against me for MY censorship, MY shaming of other survivors. MY silencing tactics or whatever....

When you consider the fact that, yeah, I would love not having to see all these stories and other related things every single day. I would LOVE it.

But I’m not doing a single damn thing to make that a reality, to make that a DANGER, a THREAT to you and the thing you enjoy.....

Other than posting about it on my blog, and expressing how I feel about it, and arguing why I wish other people would spend more time considering perspectives like mine on the matter.

That’s it. That’s the whole grand conspiracy. That’s my awful and terrible assault on you and your autonomy and your freedom of speech and your interests and likes.

And meanwhile, here you are, stepping forward to confront ME in my own space about things I’ve said here and nowhere else that you’re forced to engage with and interact with and incapable of avoiding....

And you have the utter GALL to tell ME that YOU will not be silenced by the likes of me.

When every single person who reads this knows DAMN well that you and others like you only send me all these anons......

Because you want me to shut up and just never talk about these things again, as much if not more than I wish all these people would not even stop writing.....but rather just....would consider writing literally ANYTHING else instead.

But somehow, for some reason....when YOU want ME to stop talking....you’re not trying to silence me, or censor me, or any of those other things, oh know.

Its just me talking about my own damn feelings, experiences and opinions on my own damn blog.

THAT’S the real threat to fandom togetherness, community, and freedom of speech and personal autonomy.

LOL. Awfully convenient, wouldn’t you say?

But whatever. Its all good, anon. You go ahead and keep the moral high ground here. You’ve earned it, clearly.

[waitedforgarridebs]

Fix-It #2: The Final Problem is "Staying Alive" (1/3)

Why Bond Air and TRF are linked

Going into series 2 now, and we all know where that leads: The Reichenbach Fall.

But why did Sherlock Holmes have to die – without actually dying?

Soon after the pool, Sherlock gets himself into very deep waters – only this time, it will be almost impossible to fix the situation again.

Even for Mycroft.

This is part #3 of the "Game Theory" series (x).

Interlude: The series 2 timeline conundrum

It was Mrs Hudson, in her dress, with the deerstalker.

The timeline of series 2 is a bit... wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey.

Referencing this thread (x), but long story short: Sherlock wasn't all keyed up, put himself through cold turkey and harpooned a dead pig because of Irene, but because of what happened at the pool.

Therefore, Sherlock and John went to Baskerville before they ever got involved with Irene’s photographs

The same newspaper in both scenes indicates that Sherlock's desperate search for the last stack of cigarettes in his flat happened on the same day Irene first decided that "it's time" to go and attract Sherlock's attention.

And looking at the following exchanges, one can't but wonder whether one really should stick to the timeline of John's blog, where "By Royal Appointment" and "The Hounds of Baskerville" are listed with a one year gap (!) in-between:

So, since the real timeline of those two episodes isn't exactly linear, I just want to point out that our favourite torture scene at the end of THoB…

… could have happened at any given point in time – and not necessarily "right after THoB".

Back to the pool

Because this is where we left off in the last post (x) – and Sherlock and John just almost died together.

Which left Sherlock a bit… wired.

This "game" between him and Jim escalated pretty quickly, and he probably only realised when he saw John strapped in Semtex how much he actually had risked by agreeing to rush headlong into this “game”.

Then again, Jim Moriarty is probably the most interesting and diverting opponent Sherlock has been facing in a really long time, if not ever, so going back to dealing with those ordinary clients now must be a real downer.

Therefore it's not surprising to see Sherlock suddenly taking so many cases, not only in an attempt to occupy himself, but also trying to find a truly interesting mystery.

Exactly this increased activity, in combination with John's blog, quite "accidentally" results in them becoming an internet phenomenon and eventually builds up Sherlock's reputation as "boffin" detective.

Not every case seems to be worthy of Sherlock's attention, though. And whenever simply ignoring the boring cases doesn't help, Sherlock goes out and harpoons even-toed ungulates.

Or hacks into John's computer and reads the emails to his girlfriends.

Tl;dr: He's horny bored.

And a bored Sherlock is never a good Sherlock

Because, even if he himself is blissfully unaware of it, he's getting dangerously close to discovering a lead to another project of the real Moriarty.

Again.

Aren't we lucky that Sherlock would rather go and fight an invented super villain, while being dressed up as a ninja (x), than notice the number of people suddenly coming to Baker Street inquiring about the missing bodies of their dead relatives.

Still, this starts to become quite of a problem: Not only could every next client finally make Sherlock notice the pattern he so far blindly has been ignoring, but John is also blogging in great detail about all those strange cases regarding bodies which are not where they are supposed to be, and how BAFFLED, and flummoxed, and bamboozled Sherlock is about all this – on a publicly accessible website which has been gaining a lot of traffic and attention lately. 

(x) (x) (x)

Provided that potential clients continued dropping all those clues about the Bond Air project at this rate: Even if Sherlock won't draw the right conclusions from all of this, somebody else out there eventually might.

And then Sherlock's boredom-induced hunt for a missing rabbit gets him involved in yet another top-secret, conspiracy-laden government project...

Granted, this way at least he stops poking at project Moriarty for a couple of days, but breaking into a military base using a master keycard he nicked from his big brother certainly goes on the "con" side of the "Sherlock's utility" list.

Let's put his time and gift to some actual use!

And since Sherlock is not the only "princess" to go around and cause trouble these days in order to alleviate their horniness boredom, maybe he'll even get a knighthood out of it.

Sending the gay detective to extract some compromising photographs from a lesbian dominatrix who's trying to blackmail the Royal Family – what could possibly go wrong?

… damn.

Tfw your distraction turns out to be linked to the secret you wanted to distract from.

Or to be a bit more picturesque: Mycroft's carefully constructed house of cards didn't only collapse just now, but got crushed by the weight of a grounded passenger jet.

(x)

"Bond Air" is Mycroft's "Skyfall"

Thanks to Sherlock's deduction, the whole Bond Air operation is now compromised and therefore cancelled – the plane will never fly.

We know that this was not the only plane Mycroft and his people equipped with dead passengers, and that they collaborated with at least two foreign countries for this whole operation – however: The following statement, together with Mycroft's extreme distress in the final third of the episode, do seem a bit "exaggerated", if they really were talking only about planes…

Years of planning to intercept bomb attacks on planes, that seems to be not only very specific, but also a bit... inefficient.

(Also, corpses don’t usually have that long of a shelf life.)

But if we were talking about deceiving terrorists by redirecting and controlling crimes in general, "months and years of planning", as well as Mycroft's very emotional breakdown in this specific episode suddenly do make a lot of sense…

Because Mycroft's worst nightmare just came true: By making the wrong deduction at the wrong time, Sherlock just ended up doing something very bad.

Sherlock inadvertently busted Project Moriarty

And the "funny" part is: Sherlock is absolutely unaware of what he did.

But that is the thing about Sherlock: Very often, he just deduces things – unable to control it himself.

And he doesn't think about the consequences of what he just happened to deduce before he voices his conclusions. So, depending on the circumstances, this can in fact make his genius more harmful than useful.

SHERLOCK: There’s a margin for error but I’m pretty sure there’s a Seven Forty-Seven leaving Heathrow tomorrow at six thirty in the evening for Baltimore. Apparently it’s going to save the world. Not sure how that can be true but give me a moment; I’ve only been on the case for eight seconds.

(And we've all seen how that one ended…)

There is a certain irony to the fact that Sherlock didn't have to know anything about the true motives behind the Bond Air operation – it being tied to project Moriarty, that is – to make ^this momentous deduction.

Hence all of Mycroft's efforts to distract his brother and to keep the situation under control turned out to be in vain… In the end, all it took was an ill-timed deduction meant to "impress a girl".

Bond Air is exposed, the terrorists know about the bomb – it is only a matter of time now until someone else eventually figures out the truth about project Moriarty.

And if a worldwide "network" of criminals ever were to realise they had been played like this the entire time – by secret services and governments…

… millions of innocent citizens would fall victim to the vengeful wrath of a lot of very dangerous people.

This whole thing has become too woolly, too messy...

The sting operating "Moriarty" needs to be stopped immediately, and the traces leading back to the legitimate authorities behind it all obfuscated as thoroughly as possible.

It is convenient enough that outsiders who've already been in touch with Moriarty think of him as a "consulting criminal", hence "a person", and that he is thought to be the one and only leader of this worldwide network of criminals.

A sudden and moreover unexplained "disappearance" of Jim Moriarty, however, would only cause unwanted suspicion; there needs to be a convincing reason for him to permanently cease his activity as a consulting criminal.

And what could be more permanent than killing this "person" off…

(x)

Not only is this the proper way to deal with such a "loose end", but one also wouldn't have to fear the revenge of any of Moriarty's now disgruntled clients due to cancelled deals and unsettled grievances.

"Moriarty" has to die – because one can't really take revenge on a dead person

But in order to actually nip any burgeoning hard feelings in the bud, the story behind Moriarty's downfall has to spread to even the furthest branches of the network as quickly as possible.

Hence merely an obscure, whispered voice would not suffice; not only would it take too long, but its (obviously non-existent) credibility would need to be established and proven first, etc etc etc ...

An already well-established, widespread, fast-paced and reliable information channel is needed.

"I love newspapers. Fairy tales – and pretty grim(m) ones, too."

And one thing is certain: The more sensational the news, the faster and wider it will spread.

How utterly convenient that "Jim" now happens to commit The Crime Of The Century.

That alone would already be a good enough story by itself, but it doesn't quite fulfill its actual purpose: As of now, James Moriarty only is being accused of attempting to steal the crown jewels (among other things), and therefore he is nothing more than an "ordinary" thief.

But remember: The whole point of this was to make the world believe that James Moriarty is a "consulting criminal" and the leader of a huge underground network.

Jim officially needs to become Moriarty's face

Because then, if Jim was to die, Moriarty (and eventually his network) would die with him.

But it wouldn't have been very convincing for Jim to just go out there and claim to be the most evil mastermind to ever have evil'ed – which is why he actually got his hands dirty and broke into all these places. 

The three most secure places in the country. 

And then he got acquitted of the charges without having to show any proof for his "innocence" to the jury.

That's quite a feat.

And, on the surface, also a very marketable skill set for a criminal mastermind.

So far, there's nothing really remarkable or fishy about it: Advertising for his criminal business seems to be a good enough explanation for why Jim did what he did – but if it had been the actual reason, the episode would have ended right here:

Having managed to vanish without a single trace after getting all this public attention, James Moriarty would have gone back to his now booming consulting business and happily continued to sit in the centre of his web till the end of days.

There was no need for Richard Brook

If James Moriarty actually broke into all these places in order to advertise, he wouldn't have gone and activated the self-destruct button by "creating" Richard Brook only six weeks later.

But there was a Richard Brook, and eventually the story ended with both Jim and Sherlock committing (fake-)suicide on the rooftop of St Bart's.

As if this had been meant to happen all along...

… and, to quote Moffat, "what a waste of a scene that would be". (x)

;)

Up next:

Part 2 of this post.

Link to part #4 of the series (x).

Follow @the-game-theory or me myself for updates.

Why is the series called “Game Theory”? (x)

My never-ending great big thanks to @mollydobby, as always, for the discussing and betaing. 🍪

Also, and I forgot that in the last two (ugh!), many thanks to @callie-ariane for her transcripts (x); what would the fandom do without her!

And since I did announce a SURPRISE last week: As you already noticed, the series 2 post has got multiple parts – two of which will be published next week on Tuesday AND Thursday! :)

(^because there actually is a little cliffhanger inbetween the next two, and I don't want y'all to suffer... ♥ )

Tagging people – if you’d like to be tagged in future posts as well, feel free to write me!

@elephant-in-the-bloom @may-shepard @wiscolina @devoursjohnlock @sarahthecoat @wibblywobblybowtie @violetvernet @etherealweekes @etoileetiolee @thewarriorprincessinthefield @shylockgnomes

[shutthedord]

Experiments with a crochet shopping bag

I have found a very nice crochet shopping bag pattern, and have made numerous bags based on it. The original version is here, but it is in UK crochet terms. Therefore, I used Ursula's version. However, I then realized that I could simplify the joins without making too much of a difference, and that simplifying the joins this way made the sides of the bag almost completely mindless to work. (You still need to pay some attention at the bottom and the top, but what's in between can be worked during a movie.)

I also discuss how I experimented with the bag, and some of the modifications I made. These discussions are why this version of the pattern is way too long. I'd suggest using the original instructions as the "pithy version", which you can use for reference once you work through the full pattern at least once.

This is in US crochet terms. It is not a good first crocheting project, but it may make a good third or fourth project.

You will need a crochet thread or yarn and suitable hook. I have used 1.2mm hook/size 10 crochet cotton, size C hook/two strands of size 10 crochet cotton held together, and size C hook/fingering weight yarn (equivalent of size 3 crochet cotton).

I prefer not using yarn any larger than fingering, because if the bag gets any larger, the holes in the sides start to become too large for the bag to be useful. If you are looking for a crochet bag pattern for DK or worsted yarn, I like this pattern. I have no suggestions for sport weight yarn because I have somehow never actually used sport weight yarn for anything.

You will also need a small handful of stitch markers. (I like coilless safety pins, but you can use whatever you like as long as it can be latched on and then detached.)

Base

Ring: Ch 10, sl st in 1st ch to form loop.

The original called for a loop of ch 12. Making this loop slightly smaller doesn't seem to affect the function of the bag, and makes working the first round slightly easier, because you don't have to work quite so loosely.

Round 1 and 2 (worked as one round, but given two numbers so that it lines up with the original patterns): 3ch (counts as first hdc post and ch), *hdc into the ring, ch* 11 more times (you will have 12 posts), sl st into 2nd ch of that first 3ch, sl st into the space inside the 3ch

Note that this will cause the bottom to look clumpier than the original pattern; the original pattern called for a round of sc and then a round of sc-alternating-with-ch. However, I find this significantly easier to work.

I usually work over the tail here so I don't have to weave it in later - just lay it right onto the original chain-loop and stitch over it as if the tail was part of the chain.

I like working round 3 into the spaces, not into the previous row's stitches. It's like how you'd work a granny square. To match the original pattern, though, just dc into the top of each ch and hdc (or sc) from the previous row.

Round 3: ch 3, dc into same space; *2 dc into each ch-space* all the way around (you will have 24 posts). Join, i.e. put a sl st into the ch 3 from the beginning of the round.

Your work will cup a little bit when you are finished with round 3. That is normal; later rows will increase more.

Round 4: ch 4 (counts as 1st dc and ch 1), *dc ch1 dc ch1 into next st, dc ch1 into next st* all the way around ending on a dc ch1 dc ch1, sl st into 3rd ch of first ch 4 (you will have 36 ch1-spaces). sl st into the space inside the first ch4.

As suggested by Ursula, make sure you've got 36 spaces, because a mistake here can be very easy to miss.

Round 5: ch 5 (counts as 1st tc and 1st ch 2), *tc ch2 into each loop* around, end with sl st into the 3rd chain of this row's beginning ch5. sl st into the space inside the first ch5.

Count the number of spaces you have again. You have my permission to skip a space or stitch twice into a space if you need to fudge. Just don't try to stitch three times into a space or skip more than one space.

Round 6: ch 6 (counts as 1st tc and 1st ch 3), *tc ch3 into each loop* around, end with sl st into the 3rd chain of the row's beginning ch6. sl st into the space.

Your work will look a bit like a moth-eaten lettuce leaf here - there are seemingly too many stitches in this round and it'll wrinkle when you try to tug it out straight. Keep going, I promise it evens out soon enough.

Round 7: ch 7 (counts as 1st tc and 1st ch 4), *tc ch4 into each loop* around, end with sl st into the 3rd chain of this row's beginning ch5. sl st into the space. (Optionally follow this with a ch 1, and then sl st out of the space, to line up the rows better.)

Round 8: Repeat round 7.

Round 9: Repeat round 7, but do not sl st into the space.

I have. Uh. Forgotten to work round 9 before. It still works OK if you forget, but you should probably still put it in; having it makes drawing the bag into itself easier at the end.

"Beading"

I have no idea why this is called the beading, but it's the part you can put the drawstrings through at the end.

Round 10: ch 1, *4 sc into each loop* around, join with sl st into the first sc.

Yes, you are going to skip the ch1 when joining. Yes, you still need to work it to get the first sc to come out correctly.

Round 11: ch 6 (counts as 1st sc and 1st ch 5), *skip 3 stitches of the previous round and sc in the 4th sc (don't bother counting, just stitch into the sc directly above each post from round 9), ch 5* around, end with sl st into 1st ch of this row's beginning ch6.

Round 12: Repeat round 10.

And a setup row

Round 13 was considered part of the bag's sides in Ursula's version of the pattern, but I consider it a setup row, so I'm putting it here.

Round 13: *ch 8, skip 3 stitches of the previous round and sc in the 4th sc (as with round 11, don't bother counting, just line up your stitches with the posts from round 9 and 11)* around. Do not join. Put a stitch marker onto this last ch 8. You will have worked 36 chains.

Pick one of the two "sides" instruction-sets to follow.

Seriously, pick only one of the two. Do not work both sets of instructions one after another. It would be funny, but it would also make your bag weirdly hourglass-shaped and much too long.

Sides (as written)

For the purpose of all the next rounds, a "round" is 36 spaces, and each round will start offset upwards and to the right of the last one.

Rounds 14-16: *ch8, sc into next loop* around and around and around. End when the stitch marker is three rounds below where you are right now. Don't join, just keep going. Put a stitch marker into the last ch8 you worked.

Rounds 17-20: *ch12, sc into next loop* around and around and around in the same manner. Put a stitch marker into the last ch12 you worked.

Rounds 21-24: *ch16, sc into next loop* around and around and around in the same manner. Put a stitch marker into the last ch16 you worked.

If you would like, the pattern suggests that you can continue this with another four rounds of *ch20, sc into next loop*. Put a stitch marker into the last ch20 you worked.

Proceed to "Building the top edge".

Sides (simplified version)

For the purposes of this particular segment of the pattern, you don't need to check if you're at the beginning of a round when you stop and go to the next one. It doesn't matter. Just keep going from wherever you are.

Work *ch 8, sc into next loop* around a couple more times.

Work *ch 12, sc into next loop* around until you get bored.

If you end up forgetting to ever start the ch16 section, the bag will still work fine; it'll just be less roomy. It's pretty hard to mess up a bag.

Work *ch 16, sc into next loop* around until the bag is as long as you want it. To check how long the bag is, hook two adjacent outer loops on two adjacent fingers, hold down the center of the bag with your other hand, and pull gently.

Put a stitch marker into the last loop you worked. Again, don't worry about if you're at the beginning of a round or not.

Proceed to "Building the top edge".

Building the top edge

I'm calling the next round 25 to line this up with the original. Don't worry if you aren't actually 25 rounds in. Just play along.

Round 25: Do not join. *ch 8, sc into next loop* for one round.

Round 26: *ch 6, sc into next loop* for one round.

Round 27: *ch 4, sc into next loop* for one round. End by making a ch 4, and slip-stitching into the top of the sc for the next loop in the row below. Place a stitch marker in this last loop.

Check to see if you actually have 36 spaces. If you don't, unravel part of round 27 and fudge a little.

Again, this is a version of this pattern with greatly simplified row joins, so things will look a little bit messy here.

Top edge and handle

Round 28: sl st into the space, ch 1, *5 sc into each loop* all the way around. Join with sl st into the first sc.

At this point, you can work one more row of sc, putting each sc into an sc from the previous row, to make the top edge a little wider. You don't really need to, though; the top edge will get another row shortly anyway.

Everything after this is called "round 29" in the pattern, but I will break it down because otherwise it's a Wall Of Text.

Preparation: Put one stitch marker each into the junctions before the first ch4 space of the top edge (to be referred to as the "0th marker"), between the 6th and 7th space ("6th marker"), between the 18th and 19th space ("18th marker"), and between the 24th and 25th space ("24th marker"). You can remove the stitch markers from previous rows to use here, since you won't need them anymore.

The original pattern suggests working the top edge and handles in crab crochet, but calls it "dc [US sc] into previous dc". Ursula's version of the pattern reproduced this without explaining what it meant. I prefer the top edge and handles in single crochet, because it lets you make the handles wider, so here are the instructions for doing it my way - but you can use crab crochet if you'd prefer; just make sure you change where you put the markers for the handles accordingly.

First part of top edge and first handle: ch, then sc in every sc across the top edge, to the stitch above the 6th marker. Pull a loop of yarn through the next stitch (without making any more stitches), and from there work 36 foundation single crochet.

Both versions of the pattern suggest chaining 36 here, but I dislike using chains because I chain significantly more tightly than I single-crochet, making future rows difficult. Also, I suspect the original newspaper version was from before foundation single crochet existed.

I also tried using foundation double crochet here, to see if I could make the handles wider, but it ended up far too loose.

Anchor and return across first handle: sl st this to the very first sc you worked in the top row (above the 0th marker). sl st two more times into the previous two sc in the 0th space, then turn and work 36 sc back across the bottom loops of the foundation single crochet. Make sure that the handle is not twisted.

Next part of top edge: Single crochet, continuing down the round. Stop at the stitch above the 24th marker.

Second handle: Pull a loop through the next sc (without making any more stitches). Work 36 foundation single crochet.

Anchor and return across second handle: sl st this to the stitch above the 18th marker. sl st two more times into the previous two sc in the 18th space. Turn and work 36 sc back across the bottom loops of the foundation single crochet.

Last part of top edge: Single crochet to end of round. Join to beginning with slip stitch.

Ursula has suggested adding an extra "row 30" for a wider handle. This was not in the original pattern.

Row 30 (for wider handles): Don't work that last slip stitch. Just keep going working sc down the first handle, across the second part of the top edge, down the second handle, and back to the beginning of the round. Join with slip stitch.

You can actually work row 30 twice, or even three times, if you want even wider handles. Any more than that, and things start getting weird; you'll have to start decreasing the sc in the inner corners or something. I've never needed to do this round more than twice.

Finishing

At this point, if you haven't already, cut the yarn and weave in the end(s).

Both the original pattern and Ursula's version suggest using a crochet chain for the drawstring. I prefer using a braid, because that means it's three strands instead of one. The crochet chain is faster to make, though.

Whatever you use for your drawstring, when you think you have the drawstring the right length, thread it through the "beading" and see if you actually did make it the right length. Remember to stretch the bag a couple times to make sure the drawstring won't be too short if the bag stretches. Also, don't make the drawstring super-long, because then it'll get caught on things.

Original: Make two drawstrings of appropriate length. Cover a keyring with single crochet, and attach all four drawstring-ends to the keyring. You can stuff the top part of the bag into the base, and then pull this ring to hold the bag shut.

Well, the original specified a "brass ring", but brass rings aren't common anymore. Keyrings, however, are a reasonably close modern replacement.

Ursula's: Make one drawstring. Thread the drawstring through the beading. Tie both ends together. You can stuff the top part of the bag into the base, and then use a slipknot to hold the bag shut.

[loosejournal]

Dwight Garner’s favorite quotations

For nearly four decades I’ve kept what is known as a commonplace book – a bound notebook, and later a long computer file, passed from desktops (1990s) to laptops (2000s) to my cell phone, into which I’ve poured verbal delicacies, “blasts of a trumpet”, as Emerson put it, and bits of scavenged wisdom from my life as a reader. Yea, for I am an underliner, a destroyer of books, and maybe you are, too. Commonplace books are not so uncommon. John Locke kept one, as did Virginia Woolf. W. H. Auden published his, as did the poet J. D. McClatchy. E. M. Forster’s was issued after his death. The novelist David Markson wrote terse and enveloping novels that resembled commonplace books in many regards; they were bird’s nests of facts threaded with the author’s own subtle interjections. For fans of the commonplace book genre, many prize examples have come from lesser-known figures like Geoffrey Madan and Samuel Rogers, both English, who produced books that are notably witty and illuminating. These have become cult items. Christopher Ricks noted about Rogers that, although he may not have been an especially kind man, “he was very good at hearing what was said”.

I use my own commonplace book as an aide-mémoire, a kind of external hard drive. Reading it is a way of warding off what Christopher Hitchens, quoting a friend, called CRAFT (Can’t Remember a Fucking Thing) syndrome. I use my gleanings in my own writing. Like Montaigne, I quote others “in order to better express myself”. Montaignecompared quoting well to arranging other people’s flowers. Sometimes, I sense, I quote too often, swinging on them in my writing as if from vine to vine. It’s one of the curses of spending a lifetime as a word-eater, and of retaining, so far, a semi-reliable memory.

I am no special fan of most books of quotations. Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations, the Yale Book of Quotations and the New Penguin Dictionary of Modern Quotations, to name three dependable reference books, have their uses, for sure. They are sturdy repositories of literary and verbal history. (Countless other books of quotations aren’t reliable at all.) But even the best contain a good deal of dead weight. They lean, sometimes necessarily, on canned and overused thought and, more grievously, are skewed to the upbeat. So many of the lines they contain seem to vie to be stitched on throw pillows or ladled, like chicken soup, on the credulous soul. “Almost all poetry is a failure”, Charles Bukowski contended, “because it sounds like somebody saying, Look, I have written a poem.” The same is true of quotations and aphorisms; too many have a taxidermied air, as if they were self-consciously aimed at posterity.

This small slice of the material I’ve hoarded is a sliver of a much larger book project, one that will break with the conventions of commonplace books and volumes of quotations by organizing quotes by feel rather than by category. There are few life lessons except by accident. I must add that I do not agree with everything that is said: retweet does not, as they say on Twitter, necessarily equal endorsement.

-----

(small selection) 

“It’s only words, unless they’re true.” – David Mamet, Speed-the-Plow

“Why are you all reading? I don’t understand this reading business when there is so much fucking to be done.” – Sheila Heti, How Should a Person Be?

“Better a good venereal disease than a moribund peace and quiet.” – Henry Miller, Quiet Days in Clichy

“Everything that is true is inappropriate.” – Oscar Wilde

“Everyone nodded, nobody agreed..” – Ian McEwan, Amsterdam

“Let’s, as if sore, grab a few things from the flood.” – A. R. Ammons, Complete Poems

“Fragments, indeed. As if there were anything to break.” – Don Paterson, Best Thought, Worst Thought

“He licked his lips. ‘Well, if you want my opinion–’ ‘I don’t,’ she said. ‘I have my own.’ –Toni Morrison, Beloved

“Love poems must be bounced back off a moon.” – Robert Graves, Paris Review interview

“See the moon? It hates us.” – Donald Barthelme, Sixty Stories

“You know where the Beatles got that shit from. You know that’s our shit they fucking up like that.” – Albert Murray, South to a Very Old Place

“How come the Beatles never got busted for statutory rape – because they’re white?” – Eve Babitz, Eve’s Hollywood

“I hope you don’t mind, I’m from the South. We’re touchers.” – Charlie Rose, attributed

“Mick Jagger should fold up his penis and go home.” – Robert Christgau, Village Voice

“Somehow he knew, based on very little experience, that this faux-casualshit spelled money.” – Tom Wolfe, Bonfire of the Vanities

“Being rich is about acting, too, isn’t it? A style, a pose, an interpretation that you force upon the world.” – Martin Amis, Money

“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.” – Dorothy Parker

“Oh, fuck, not another elf.” – Hugo Dyson, as J.R.R. Tolkien read aloud an early draft of The Lord of the Rings

“I am putting a mental jigsaw together of what a hobbit looks like, based on a composite of every customer I have ever sold a copy to.” – Shaun Bythell, Diary of a Bookseller

“You put your finger in it, and go swish, swish, swish.” – Jane Jacobs, on how to make a West Village martini

“Wasn’t the whole 20th century a victory lap of collage, quotation, appropriation, from Picasso to Dada to Pop?” – Jonathan Lethem, The Ecstasy of Influence

“I suddenly began to realize that everybody in America is a natural-born thief.” – Jack Kerouac, On the Road

“The not paying for things is intoxicating.” – Philip Roth, American Pastoral

“I don’t trust anybody who hasn’t shoplifted.” – John Waters

“Cleanliness might not be next to godliness but it is certainly adjacent to horniness.” – Geoff Dyer, on hotels, in Otherwise Known as the Human Condition

“The assumptions a hotel makes about you! All those towels.” – Stanley Elkin, The Dick Gibson Show

“The meat around my skull can’t stop smiling.” – Catherine Lacey, The Answers

“Let’s have some new clichés.” – Sam Goldwyn

“I need some new attitudes, some new affirmations and denials.” – Lionel Trilling, letter

“Good-bye, and I don’t mean au revoir.” – Christopher Ricks

“Of course it’s all right for librarians to smell of drink.” – Barbara Pym, Less Than Angels

“Edward worried about his drinking. Would there be enough gin? Enough ice?” – Donald Barthelme, Flying to America

“I have no enemies. But my friends don’t like me.” – Philip Larkin

“There was obviously nothing to recommend me to anyone.” – Deborah Levy, Hot Milk

“I have always disliked myself at any given moment; the total of such moments is my life.” – Cyril Connolly, Enemies of Promise

“Talk into my bullet hole. Tell me I’m fine.” – Denis Johnson, Jesus’ Son

“Every time he played a note he waved it goodbye. Some times he didn’t even wave.” – Geoff Dyer on Chet Baker, But Beautiful

“Let us reflect whether there be any living writer whose silence we would consider a literary disaster.” – Cyril Connolly, The Unquiet Grave

“If we did get a writer worth reading, should we know him when we saw him, so choked as we are with trash?” – George Orwell, Keep the Aspidistra Flying

“Book publishing should be done by failed writers who recognize the real thing when they see it.” – Robert Giroux, Paris Review interview

“Books are, let’s face it, better than everything else.” – Nick Hornby, Ten Years in the Tub

“Revenge is the capitalism of the poor.” – Aravind Adiga, Selection Day

“It makes an immigrant laugh to hear the fears of the nationalist, scared of infection, penetration, miscegenation, when this is small fry, peanuts, compared to what the immigrant fears – dissolution, disappearance.” – Zadie Smith, White Teeth

“The face of ‘evil’ is always the face of total need.” – William S. Burroughs, preface to Naked Lunch

“In our deepest moments we say the most inadequate things.” – Edna O’Brien, The Love Object

“How desperate do you have to be to start doing push-ups to solve your problems?” – Karl Ove Knausgaard, My Struggle: Book Two

“The primary object of a student of literature is to be delighted.” – Lord David Cecil

TLS, 2018